The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, ‘How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?’ The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95’. The amazed father asks: ‘It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’ The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: ‘Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls.
Ypres:1915
The age of Trumpets is passed, the banners hang
Like dead crows, tattered and black,
Rotting into nothingness on cathedral walls.
In the crypt of St. Paul’s I had all the wrong thoughts,
Wondered if there was anything left of Nelson
Or Wellington, and even wished
I could pry open their tombs and look,
Then was ashamed
Of such morbid chilishness and almost afraid.
I know the picture is as much of a forgery
As the Protocols of Zion, yet it outdistances
More plausible fictions: newsreels, regimental histories,
biographies of Earl Haig.
It is always morning
And the sky somehow manages to be red through the picture
Is in black and white.
There is a long road over flat country,
Shell holes, the debris of houses,
A gun carriage overturned in a field,
The bodies of men and horses,
But only a few of them and those
Always neat and distant.
The Moors are running
Down the right side of the road.
The Moors are running
In their baggy pants and Santa Claus caps.
The Moors are running.
And their officers,
Frenchmen who remember
Alsace and Lorraine,
Are running backwards in front of them,
Waving their swords, trying to drive them back,
Weeping
At the dishonor of it all.
The Moors are running.
And on the left side of the same road,
The Canadians are marching
In the opposite direction
The Canadians are marching
In English uniforms behind
A piper playing “Scotland the Brave”
The Canadians are marching
In impeccable formation,
Every man in step.
The Canadians are marching.
And I know this belongs
With Lord Kitchener’s moustache
And old movies in which the Kaiser and his general staff
Seem to run like the Keystone Kops.
The old man on television last night,
A farmer or fisherman by the sound of him,
Revisiting Vimy Ridge, and they asked him
What it was like, and he said,
There was water up to our middle, yes,
And there was rats, and yes
There was water up to our middles
And rats, all right enough,
And to tell the truth
AFter the first three or four days
I started to get a litte disgusted.
Oh, I know they were mercenaries
In a war that hardly concerned us.
I know all that
Sometimes I’m not even sure that I have a country.
But I know that they stood there at Ypres
The first time the Germans used gas,
That they were almost the only troops
In that section of the front
Who did not break and run,
Who held the line.
Perhaps they were too scared to run.
Perhaps they didn’t know any better.
That is possible, they were so innocent,
Those farmboys and mechanics, you have to only look
At old pictures and see how they smiled
perhaps they were too shy
To walk out on anybody, even Death.
Perhaps their only motivation
Was a stubborn disinclination.
Private MacNally thinking:
You squarehead sons of bitches,
You want this God damned trench
You’re going to have to take it away from Billy MacNally
Of the South end of St. John, New Brunswick
And that’s ridiculous too, and nothing
On which too found a country
Still
It makes me feel good, knowing
That in some obscure, conclusive way
They were connected with me
And me with them.
-alden nowlan
Giving Thanks
You’re the God of this City
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are
You’re the Light in this darkness
You’re the Hope to the hopeless
You’re the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
-as taken from Chris Tomlin
“If I told you that today I jaywalked and got hit by a car going 110km/h, would you believe me?
You wouldn’t because you’d point out that coming into contact with a force that great, I’d clearly be changed”
So what happens when you collide with a force infinitely greater, the Creator of the Universe?
Apparently this was an issue and the Subways in Australia actually re-vamped their cheese methods, avoiding the ‘dairy overload’ as suggested above haha.
Not sure if this is true in Canada…I’ll pay more attention to how they layer the cheese on my sub the next time I’m at Subways:)
Lastly, heads up for everyone tomorrow - Subways is giving out a FREE ham-egg- cheese mufin melt sandwich and coffee from 7-10am!! *It’s only at certain locations so make sure to call ahead! I love free stuff.
[initial March 20th draft]
What a morning/night at Saugeen.
Coming back from an ACF (or for many of you CCF) dessert potluck from St. Luke’s, a church all the way on the other side of campus, Saugeen was packed. There were about 15-20 waiting in the guest line to be signed in because tonight was a campus wide event called “Average Joes and Slutty Hoes”.
Bypassing that line as a resident of the building, I managed to get back to my room while seeing the elevator in the terrible state that it is every Saturday night after all midterms are done.
I really thought I would call it an “early” night. I was exhausted, tired, and drained. Lo and behold, 1:30 am the fire alarm goes off. Are you serious? Reaaally? That’s what was going through my head as my roommate came running in tell let me know.
So down the 27 floors we go with me in a pair of shorts and thin sweatshirt to the basketball courts outside. Many people were drunk and for some reason, a couple decided to go pee on the side. Yes, really at 1:30am in the morning. Alongside that, a huuuuge group formed. Huge as in probably about 600? Saugeen houses 1200 so that’s being quite generous already. They were singing “O-laaay O lay O lay O lay…O lay…O lay..O lay…”. There was crowd surfing, chants of “Saugeen, Saugeen, Saugeen”, beer being thrown around, and people just lighting it up. And yes, the campus police were there. I also got to meet two very drunk individuals who had sworn at the police, an RA, and believed that they were “running in slow motion past bullets”.
This definitely tops the list of memorable campus experiences.
Saugeen is one of those things you experience in your life and that once is probably more than enough.
Here are my 5 cents to such a witty post.
I noticed this baboon just sitting there at my cousin’s house. It was nice and all, but this scene left something to be desired…
My uncle decided what was lacking was a bowl. After satisfying the void, we proceeded to show Mr. Baboon how it works and threw spare change into his bowl.
Oh, he’s such noob hobo baboon … such a Hob00n.
Roads
3 interesting things crossed my mind this weekend when I went for an outdoor walk.
- Running and walking down the middle of a road (when there are no cars or moving vehicles) is a lot more fun than on the sidewalk; in fact, it’s strange how it is a different experience altogether.
- Roads are actually a lot more useful than they appear to be. If there were no roads/traffic lights and only houses, you’d be confused as to which is the right direction to go to get back to your house an hour away.
- Houses and related property are such a pain. When you’re tired from your walk and you want to go home, you realize you can’t take the easiest ‘diagonal’ path because someone’s property is in the way. you’ve got to take the long circular beat around the bush route.
“A ‘five stars all around’ movie.” - a rating shared by many as I quickly glanced through the Toronto Star the other day. After watching it Tuesday night (in 3D!), I would definitely agree that it was a good-makes-you-smile-happy film with frequent stabs of humour for ages all around.
I don’t often find myself watching such happy films like these. I’m so use to the thought provoking, philosophical ones that bring light to the human condition - and so, I found myself strangely ‘out of place’ at times.
The plot was cleverly crafted…many a times I found myself thinking, “wow,ingenious!”. How pixar can take an everyday cartoon and inject so much humourous creativity into it truly marvels me. Take for example the make shift jails from the play baskets, rex’s comment that the garbage bag is made of ‘high grade polyethelyne plastic’ when he tries to break it with his tail, Barbie’s intelligent comment at one point, the construction arm as the reincarnated ‘claw’ that saved the toys….
It was also surprisingly sentimenal at times; the movie possessed that raw ability to touch upon and remind you of your childhood. It manages to do so in a way that not only leaves you with a final smile, but also a nod of understanding that Andy has to move on and the toys likewise.
Side note: you should check out ‘kung fu panda’ if you haven’t.
Side note to self: check out ‘despicable me’
Andy Lau is one of my favourite actors/singers - he’s like the Tom Cruise of the East. Despite his aging appearance, he still holds such a grand title internationally and respect in Asia.
The extent of his influence is quite frightening. Take for example, the infamous teen a while back that was an A-student and then quit school at 16 for him. She had her rents sell their house just so she’d be able to see him in Hong Kong and there was also another incident where her father was even willing to sell his kidney for this obsession.
So here’s my post to thank God I’m not related to her…I may have had to sell my liver or something for her to see Andy the 32340th time.
